My Life As An Athlete
He wasn't tall enough to make the second row.
You might be wondering what kind of athlete he was in the first 21 years of his life. Yes, you’ve got that photo of him with his high school tennis team. What does that really tell us? Certainly not his level of play. Did he play at all? We don’t know. Here’s what we do know: He wasn’t tall enough to make the second row. This had been his fate.
Look at him in third grade. First row.
Summer camp. First row.
He finally made the second row when his children were toddlers.
Back to his athletic career.
After college, he chronicled his life as an athlete. The New York Times got wind of his scribblings and thought so much of his achievements they published it on page two of the Sunday sports section.
My Life As an Athlete — NY Times, March 11, 1979
by TODD LOGAN
1953 Middleweight baby: 6 pounds 7 ounces.
1955-58 Watched 246 White Sox baseball games on television.
1959 Answered to the name “Little Looie.”
1960 Batted .333 for Braeside Grammar School second grade team.
1961 Slump: 2 for 53.
1962 Benched after All-Star break. Contemplated suicide.
1963 Took up Tennis.
1964 Answered to the name “Rocket.” Affected an Australian accent.
1965-66 Prisoner of war at Camp Indian Acres. Tortures included daily shower, thrice-weekly letter writing and Saturday night campfires.
1967-68 Shortest person in Highland Park High School freshman class at 4 feet 10 inches. Declined invitation to be manager of basketball team.
1969-70 Sprouted 7 inches. Won varsity letter in tennis.
1970-71 Turned down tennis scholarship to Appalachian State College.
1971-72 No. 2 singles on Clark University tennis team. Resolved to play at Wimbledon by 1976.
1972-73 Captain of Clark University tennis team.
1974 Sent for Wimbledon application.
1975 Appealed to Wimbledon Board of Review.
1976 Sued Wimbledon Board of Review.
1977 Dropped Australian accent.
1978 Took up jogging.
1979 Began training for 1980 Olympic marathon team.
If anyone out there can help him figure out who’s missing from the third grade Braeside School 1963 class photo (below), he’d love to know. If you don’t know, but know someone who might, please forward. If you’re truly ambitious, please name all the subjects in the photo.
A few other notes. His buddy Mark, featured in The Poo In the Flashlight, is standing third row, first on the left. Though he’s not smiling, he was actually feeling boss because he was wearing his treasured fancy, white, short-sleeve dress shirt.
The teacher in the third row, far right is Andy Voisard. He taught PE and was universally beloved, often hired to run birthday parties. Yeah, our hero had him at his 10th birthday. That might have been a top ten day in his life.
All the boys were crazy about Ellen R. (second row, fourth from left) and Ilene R. (second row, sixth from left). Who wouldn’t be? They were whip smart, funny and the best athletes in the class. Ellen ran like the wind, and Ilene could throw a perfect 30-yard spiral pass hitting receivers in full stride.
Remember Warsaw (front row, 4th from the left) with the cool loafers cited in the post, Mommy Issues? He captured Ellen’s heart in college and they’re still going strong today.
Perhaps, it was Warsaw’s precocious third grade wit. When he was once accused of farting in class, he said, ‘It’s not me. It’s Shulman. He’s a ventriloquist.”
A line for the ages.
Do You Know This Man?: An Irreverent Memoir, is an ongoing exploration of the one character who eludes, confounds and mystifies. Me. Right now, it’s available for free, including being able to listen to some of my plays and dive into the best of Sportscape Magazine.
Current premium content available for free:
Listen to the original cast recordings of Persistence of Vision and Tops or Bottoms.
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That’s the scoop!
Yes, Please give him the names. He confident he can get all but one. Most important, who is the mystery classmate?
Thank you for your supportive words. You strike me as the kind of fellow who has a real eye for talent. You mention that he is both brilliant and little known. He has lived with being little known his whole life. He has always fantasized about becoming somewhat known. Perhaps you would like to facilitate this by encouraging everyone on your extensive email list (I assume) to subscribe. Not only would he be grateful. He would call you a friend.